Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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