So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
FUCK WHALES
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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