I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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