five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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