I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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