I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
