His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she told me i tasted like america
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
