im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
