girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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