Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
