I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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