and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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