btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You can't motorboat a personality
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
