If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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