So drunk its hurt
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
