4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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