Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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