I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
