when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
