If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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