I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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