apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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