The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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