If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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