idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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