what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
