me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Couch. On fire.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
