I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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