Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize