thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
