Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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