he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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