i think my tv is drunk
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
