..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Terrible idea I love it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
