finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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