Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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