Swine flu. Run for my life!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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