She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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