Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
