They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
