I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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