Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
