do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
