I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
