I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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