Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Randomize
