I like to think it a success when the cops are called
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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