Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
