if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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