I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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