So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
