I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
