is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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