He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
