She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
