You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
