The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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