I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
