I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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