My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
