At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
