Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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