3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
