He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
