My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
