he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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