Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
