It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
