why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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