He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
