he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
