Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
