You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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