I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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