Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
