Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
