This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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