i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
