4 words: hood of his car
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
