i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
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She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
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Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I got inside last night via doggy door
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