we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
