is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
