I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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