when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
