tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
