i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
