new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
