After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
