Walk of Shame. In a state park.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
