So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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